


You're what I can't live without

by Elerina_Tindomerel



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Don't Deserve You, F/M, Friendship, Melendaire, POV Neil Melendez, Plumb, Pre-Relationship, Relationship Problems, Season 1 Episode 11, Songfic, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 04:03:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16632557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elerina_Tindomerel/pseuds/Elerina_Tindomerel
Summary: Neil ponders about something that Claire told him before she left. At length he realizes how important she is to him.





	You're what I can't live without

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the middle of episode 11 (Islands Part One) before the separation of the conjoined twins. 
> 
> The mentioned song is "Don't Deserve You" by Plumb.
> 
> English isn't my mother tongue, feel free to point out mistakes I made or give feedback in the comments! :)

_"Finding someone you can't imagine a life without, it's hard. I know it's a cliché, but it is true."_

Neil couldn't forget Claire's words, even though she had left the room about half an hour ago. She really had a point. It was more than hard to find that special someone, that one person you couldn't live without. You meet hundreds of people in your life, and you like or dislike them, you see them only once or they grow dear to your heart. But in the end, there are only a few of them that become irreplaceable, that are so important for you that you can't imagine to live without them being near you.

For Neil, Jessica was one of these precious people. It had taken him a vast amount of time to find her, but he hadn't known how difficult it would be to hold her. Sure, they had always had some differences, which was inevitable between an attending surgeon and the hospital's attorney (as well as Vice President for Risk Management), but this was another level. It wasn't work-related but a personal and private thing between the two of them, Neil and his fiancée.

He had always wanted to be a father one day, to have a wonderful family consisting of a beautiful wife and at least three smart and lively children. When he had proposed to Jessica, he had done it thinking of this dream whose fulfilment was closer than ever before. Neil had always seen Jessica as a perfect wife and he still thought that she would be an excellent mother. He just couldn't believe that she didn't want to have children, that their ideas of their shared future were so different. Maybe it was her father's fault, he had told his daughter that she had to stop working if she had a family of her own, and Jessica loved her job so much. It was more important to her than having children, than raising a family. Neil quietly wondered whether her career also meant more to her than he did. Up to then he had never doubted her feelings, but at that very moment he couldn't help doing so. It just felt as if there were many things Neil didn't know about his soon-to-be wife.

But he knew her good enough to be sure that she wouldn't change her attitude. If Jessica didn't want kids, they wouldn't have kids. Neil didn't even want to try and persuade her, that would just make things worse. He just had to accept the fact that he would never see their little daughter or their little son and watch them grow up. Sure, he knew that he could be a father in another way, many protectories or sports clubs were in urgent need of volunteers. But still that would never ever be the same as having children of his own. He wanted kids that were around him all the time, that had his and Jessica's features. Neil sighed. His fiancée was really demanding a great deal of him. He loved her so much, but he also loved his own children that didn't even exist yet. And he couldn't accept the fact that they would never exist at all. Normally Jessica was more important to him than anything else, but at this instant he wasn't sure whether he was able to give his dream up for her.

Neil buried his face in his hands and felt that his cheeks were wet with tears. He couldn't remember the last time he wept, but just then he really felt like crying. He didn't want to lose Jessica, but he also didn't want to give up his dream. All of sudden he straightened himself, took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. This didn't do any good, sitting there in the semi-darkness of the room and feeling sorry for himself. He had to leave, and he had to talk to someone. Someone whom he trusted and who would understand and comfort him.

Going through the contacts on his cell phone, Neil considered what he was about to do. It was kind of a bad idea, it was highly unprofessional, she probably was really tired and would be completely bewildered when she heard his request. He even felt slightly guilty for taking advantage of her benignity, but on the other hand he would also quite expose himself. "Fuck it", Neil mumbled as he dialed her number.

"Claire Browne?", a soft and tired voice said at the other end of the phone. Neil really hoped he hadn't woken her up.

"Hello Claire, this is Neil… Melendez", he added after a pause. His voice sounded broken, as if he had cried much more than he actually had.

"Dr. Melendez!", Claire exclaimed. She suddenly seemed to be wide awake. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes! Yes, don't worry. I… I just wanted to ask…" Neil struggled with words and he hated it. He didn't want to appear weak after all. He cleared his throat and said: "I know that this is neither your task nor should I ask for it, so feel free to refuse, but I really want to talk to someone, to you. I'm still thinking about what you told me earlier, and I just need to share my thoughts and to hear yours. So, if it's okay for you, we could meet up and grab coffee or something."

There was a long silence and Neil cursed his lacking self-assurance. "Um… like right now?", Claire asked cautiously.

"No, no, it doesn't have to be now. I'm sure that would be quite inconvenient for you." Neil tried to row back even though he knew it was useless, he had already let the cat out of the bag.

"Neil, no, it's not inconvenient at all." Claire's voice sounded so compassionate that his eyes began to fill with tears again. "But I'd prefer it if you just came over to my place, I don't really want to go out once again. I mean… if you're okay with that."

"Sure, sounds good to me", Neil answered. It was probably anyway better to talk in private.

They ended the call. Neil gathered his stuff and went to his car. When he turned into the street and left the hospital behind him, a faint smile played on his lips. As awkward as this phone call might have been, he somehow knew that their imminent conversation would do both of them good. Claire was still struggling with Kalu's firing after all.

Neil turned on the radio to fill the silence. They played a quite romantic song, normally not his preferred genre, but he had always liked that one somehow. He hadn't heard it in a long time and he softly hummed along the tune.  
  
_You're the first face that I see_  
_And the last thing I think about_  
_You're the reason that I'm alive_  
_You're what I can't live without_  
_You're what I can't live without_

_You never give up_  
_When I'm falling apart_  
_Your arms are always open wide_  
_And you're quick to forgive_  
_When I make a mistake_  
_You love me in the blink of an eye_

_I don't deserve your love_  
_But you give it to me anyway_  
_Can't get enough_  
_You're everything I need_  
_And when I walk away_  
_You take off running and come right after me_  
_It's what you do_  
_And I don't deserve you_

Neil smiled again as he listened to the song. It quite fitted Claire somehow. Her arms were always open wide, she never gave up and he really didn't deserve her, nobody did. As Neil thought about it, alone in his car and on his way to Claire, he figured out that he also couldn't imagine a life without _her_.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated!


End file.
